Notes: This is Duo POV and he is actually thinking straight in this, not having a meltdown. He is planning how to get his blades back and everything, so don’t expect any huge emotional scenes.

When I stepped out of the shower, I was a little bit more clear-headed. I had firmly pushed Heero and his new emotional side to the back of my mind and kept it there. I was now focused on two things: hiding my… problems? Condition? My whatever, from the others, and getting my blades back. Those two tasks would not be easy by a long-shot, but I love a challenge.

I was going to have to dial down the clown routine a bit, not enough to be very noticeable and that I couldn’t attribute to fatigue, but enough to spare some energy and attention to my other task, which would probably be hardest. Heero was not going to willingly offer the information in this century, so I was on my own, which was fine. Like I said before, he has to have them in the house. I searched his room thoroughly, and mine, and the bathroom, but I didn’t check anywhere else. I had to remedy that.

I could check the living room easy enough, it’s such a mess no one would be surprised if a few things changed location, just as long as I wasn’t caught in the act, but searching Quatre and Trowa’s room was going to be tricky, and searching Wufei’s room even trickier. Searching the kitchen would be fairly simple, and I could do that first, when everybody’s in bed.

Of course, accomplishing any of that means I have to get away from Heero, and that is… not gonna be easy. He watches me like a fucking hawk, and he hasn’t left me alone for more than five minutes since he took my blades. I could only hope that he got called on a mission and that it lasted for a while, because I’d need several hours to search both bedrooms and the kitchen, and make sure none of the other three caught me.

I sighed at how complicated it was and pulled on my boxers. I wrapped the towel around my hair before stalking into my room. I was glad to find Heero gone, and I dressed quickly in black cargo trousers, a long-sleeved black tee shirt, and thick black socks. I sat on the bed to towel-dry and brush my hair, before pulling it back into a braid, still damp.

Taking a deep breath, I decided that I would have to face Heero sooner or later. If I kept the mask firmly in place, and kept blocking him when he wanted ‘to talk’, I should be okay.

I practised my trademark grin, ran over a few comments and remarks in my head, rolled my shoulders back, tilted my chin up high, and went downstairs. See? Let it never be said that Duo Maxwell is not courageous.

Well, all my practised comments and gestures went right out the window when I saw not just Heero sitting in the kitchen, but the rest of them, too. I’m pretty sure I heard a smacking sound when my jaw hit the floor, and they all looked at me with very weird expressions on their faces that I had trouble deciphering.

Quickly, I shook off my surprise, closed my mouth, and sauntered into the room, as if I hadn’t a care in the world.

“Well, hi, guys, if we’re having a midnight snackfest, ya shoulda invited me,” I drawled, going to the fridge and opening it. I wasn’t hungry and my stomach protested violently against food, but it was expected, so I had to eat something. Maintaining my mask was vital, and that included eating lots and being a prat and fidgeting and waving my hands around to emphasise my point.

Picking out some chicken fried rice leftovers, I dished it onto a plate, grabbed a fork, and leaned against the counter to eat it while watching the others closely without looking like I was. I didn’t actually taste the food, for which I was grateful, and I didn’t hear whatever the hell Quatre was saying, or what I was saying in reply, I was too focused on figuring out what felt wrong.

I’m slow on occasion, and these guys know how to act, so it took me a few moments to identify that weird light in their eyes, that odd tingle in the air, and the slightly strange body language they were using. But when I did figure it out… I was fucking pissed.

So much for hiding my problems. Heero had fucking told them, the bastards. He might not have told them everything, but he’d told them enough that I knew I could never pass last night off as a one-off fluke.

Alright, now I needed a new plan. With them clued in on the situation, they were not gonna leave me alone long enough to search for my blades, especially Quatre. Which means that unless they all get called away on missions at the same time for long enough and I don’t… I was fucked.

I wasn’t really aware that I had finished my meal until I found myself rinsing the plate and leaving it in the sink. I blinked and forced myself to focus on what Quatre was saying.

“….And she said that she was gonna kick me up the ass if I didn’t, and hearing Relena Peacecraft say that is just truly weird. So the next thing I know, I’m in this really boring, empty room with Catherine, and I tell her that I love Trowa, and things just stop for a moment. Then her knives appear and she starts throwing them at me. Only Trowa materialises in front of me and protects me, and….”

Some dream of his, apparently, and probably purely fictional. The others were all being silent, with Trowa watching me directly, Wufei sneaking glances at me, and Heero pretending not to watch me, but I could feel his attention. Alright, how was I gonna deal with this situation?

If I could corner each one individually, I might stand a slim chance of deceiving them, but not if they all united against me. If they did that, I was fucked. Okay, the easiest one would probably be Quatre. He’s so much of an optimist he won’t want to believe what’s going on with me, and would be very eager to see me be normal. But Quatre had that damned space heart, and that was pretty hard to deceive. Alright, if I kept my emotions buried enough and didn’t think too hard about it all, I could probably convince it that I was happy, or at least, not depressed. Okay then.

“Quatre, you talk almost as much as me,” I said, and he shut up. “That does sound like a weird dream, but it cannot stand a chance of competing with this one I had. Alright, so, I’m standing in some mall, right? Really busy, lots of people, the usual crap. Anyway, this guy comes up to me and says that I’ve won a prize and could I please follow him to collect it. I follow, naturally, and he leads me into some sporting goods store, with fishing rods on the walls and a tent in the window display and shit like that, and on the far wall, which is directly in front of me, is this huge mural of Howard, and he’s buckass naked with only this sort of sheet thing covering his groin, and then, before I know it, he comes out of the wall, sheet and all, and starts walking towards me. At that point I got totally freaked and pegged it. I ran outside of the shop, but somehow ended up back in the shop, so I ran outside again, and wound up inside again, and I just kept doing it over and over again until I finally woke up.” I was rather proud of that story. Detailed, crazy, funny, and all made up as I told it. Aren’t I a genius?

They were all looking at me now, with looks ranging from suspicion to confusion to doubt to… suppressed hope. That one was Quatre. Told ya he’d wanna believe.

“So, whaddya think it means?” I asked casually, and he frowned, obviously willing to play along with me for a bit. Good.

“Um, maybe that you have a sick obsession with Howard?” he ventured after a moment, and I gave him a laugh.

“I don’t think so, but the subconscious is a funny thing! Ooh, or maybe that I wanna work in a sporting goods store and that Howard could finance it?”

“Possibly.”

“Hm, don’t think I’d do too well in retail, but I could always give it a try. Of course, sports stuff would be hard, because I’d probably have to answer questions about it, and I don’t know shit about sports. Maybe I should forget that idea.”

“That’s… probably a good idea.”

“Yeah. Well, I’m tired, I’m gonna go to bed. See ya in the morning. Or, later in the morning.” I grinned, raised a hand in a sketchy wave, and then bounded upstairs, making plenty of noise.

I opened my bedroom door and walked in, purposefully stepping on the creaky floorboard. I rolled around on my bed for a moment, giving the springs a chance to squeak, and then slipped off silently, tiptoeing across the room and silently opening the door. I put every stealthy skill I had into action and crept downstairs, hovering on the last step and straining to hear.

“…. So genuine. I can’t believe it’s all an act,” Quatre said, and there was a hint of… helplessness buried under the sorrow.

“He is a… remarkable actor,” Wufei commented, and there was an odd sigh.

“I wish he didn’t feel like he had to hide from us.”

“Wishing won’t help, he’ll hide for his entire life, whether he needs to or not. Damned baka.”

“Wufei, call him a baka ever again and I will hurt you,” Heero growled, and I blinked. Heero was defending me? Why was…. No! No, no, no, bad topic!

“Protective, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Admirable. But you can’t protect him forever. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to let him cope on his own.”

“Letting him cope on his own involves blood and scars!”

“I’m not suggesting that you let him continue cutting, but you can’t wrap him up in cotton wool, either. You can’t protect him from every mean word and every little bit of danger.”

There was a heavy, tired sigh that I guess must’ve come from Heero. “I know. I just… worry.”

Worry? About me? Why would Heero worry about me? Logic states that people worry because they care. Applying that to the current situation would ascertain that Heero cared… BAD DUO! NO DUO! KEEP YOUR MIND OFF THAT DUO!!

“We’re all worried,” Quatre said, and then there was a strange sort of gasping sound.

“Quatre?” Trowa asked.

“It’s… Duo.”

“Duo?”

“He’s… confused and… scared.”

“Scared? Scared of what?” Heero demanded.

“I don’t know. It’s hard to figure out. Scared of… himself? No, not himself. Someone else? No, that’s not exactly it. It’s confusing. He’s scared of… something someone is doing to him.”

There was a silence for a moment, punctuated by Quatre’s heavy breathing. For myself, I was just trying to figure out where the hell Quatre had gotten that I was scared from. I was not scared.

“Is he scared of me?” Heero asked quietly after a while, and I held my breath. “Is he scared of what I’m doing to him by taking his blades away?”

“I don’t… no. No, that’s not it. But, I think it does have to do with you. It’s so confusing.”

Alright, I’d heard enough. I’d heard more than enough. I was not gonna stand here and listen to Quatre WRONGLY psychoanalyse me, and I was certainly not gonna get caught eavesdropping, which I would if I hung around much longer.

I stealthily fled back up to my room and flopped on my bed, trying hard to analyse the conversation I’d just overhead and how to use it to my advantage. Quatre thought, mistakenly, that I was scared, and scared people usually run away and hide-I should know-so if I played the scared routine, I might be able to get them to leave me alone for bit, but they would expect me to stay in my room and I’d already searched my room. I needed to get them to leave me alone in THEIR bedrooms.

Okay, so… maybe if I was with one of them in their rooms, and somehow… got spooked…. I could hide in the corner and maybe they would go away. Of course, deceiving Quatre’s fucking space heart would be tough, but… Wufei, I think, would probably be the best. He tends to shy away from emotional confrontations, and I think he’d be really lost if I put on my ‘completely-freaked-go-away’ act. But how was I gonna get into his room and engineer an emotional confrontation?

Maybe if I was looking for something? Maybe… if I said I had a mission… and could I borrow his throwing knives… because mine have gone missing… he’ll assume Heero took them… he’ll deny my request… causing an emotional breakdown on my part… that would work.

But I’d have to make sure no one interrupted, because I can only act in so many plays at one time. Orchestrating both mine and Wufei’s words and actions was going to take a great deal of concentration, and if one of the others decides to try and help, I’d have to act to him and coax him into what I wanted him to do, and smart as I am, I can only do so much.

Alright, so, we wait until everyone is busy, perhaps with one or two of them out checking their Gundams or even on a mission, we wait until Wufei goes into his room, confront him, manipulate him, and then run the quickest, most meticulous search I can, while making the appropriate noises and not focusing too hard on my goal and instead trying to feel miserable, just for Quatre’s benefit.

Well, that shouldn’t be too hard.